Margot

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Fat Squirrel

Here is my short story! Let me know what you think! :)

The Beginning of an End At the beginning I was there. I saw them come, I saw them go. Each night I heard. I heard her angry rants and his rumbling engine fade into the distance. Each day I waited. Waited to see a glimpse of the pain I knew was there. But they hid. They hid behind a smile. Secrets were kept secrets. At the end I was there. I never saw him come after I saw him go. That night was silent. That day I didn’t have to wait, I saw their pain. That day I hid. I hid behind a smile. Secrets were no longer secrets. That day I hated myself for waiting for that pain. That day I wished that I never knew. …    His headlights cast a shadow across my headboard. Light streamed in from the gap underneath my door as Mom threw on the hallway light and stumbled into the kitchen to confront my father. The front door swung quickly open and hit the wall causing the windows to shake. Their conversation was hushed. I was barely to make out an occasional phrase. Mom started cursing and raised her voice loud enough for me to understand what was said. Each time I heard Dad speak, desperation and regret were apparent in his voice. An abrupt silence pulled me from my dosing and I knew Madison had intervened. Mom turned her anger toward Madison and angrily rambled on. All of a sudden Mom rant was interrupted. Madison ’s young voice filled the silence. Her whimpers sounded miniscule compared to the previous word I had heard. After many minutes of silence, Dad’s feet could be heard as he slipped into the basement. Mom continued her manipulative tactics and sobbed for a long while. I never spoke a word. It was too risky. Madison took on the talkative social role. I merely faded into the background. That was exactly where I wanted to be. I had learned to become invisible. Mom always complained to me. This was not because she loved me or trusted me, but because I would not say a word. Mom loved that she could complain without some one judging her. I was that person. I saw the end. It was there from the very beginning. Mom asked for a divorce. The anticipation made it even more painful because we had been ready for the worst and that is what we got. The Saturday my dad left, I felt everything I had kept bottled up for years come pouring out. My usually outspoken sister was blank and silent. This sudden change in both of us seemed to frighten my dad. That Saturday, I was free, we were all free. Free from pain, finally. …    The chilled air filled my lungs as I inhaled deeply and mentally prepared myself. I peeled my hands away from the steering wheel I had been clenching. Again I closed my eyes and rubbed the bridge of my nose. The bitter taste of liquor lingered in my mouth and my pulse beating in my ears due to my throbbing headache. I noticed Marie’s silhouette appear in the window. The night’s silence and harsh cold made me tenser. As I reached the front door, I gently turned the doorknob and stepped inside our warm living room. Immediately Marie whispered “Where the he** have you been?” “Sweetheart…” I replied “There is a perfectly good …” “Do you realize it is ten o’clock !” she hissed. “No call! No note! Nothing! You have a family now, Bill!” “I know…” The argument continued with Marie accusing me and swearing. “It isn’t necessary to wake the entire house Marie!” I growled. “Don’t you dare raise your voice at me? This is your fault! Your dumba** friends are more important than your wife and children!” Sobs from the next room sent her into a sudden silence. She glanced to the side and shouted “ Madison, get your little a** back to bed!” I was overcome with shame as I stepped into the kitchen and saw Madison huddled in a corner with tears staining her pale face. Marie continued on her rant. I stood completely still with my stinging eyes fixed on my daughter. She didn’t understand. I wanted to protect my daughter. I pushed my raging wife aside and pulled Madison ’s weak body into an embrace. Her whimpers settled into uneven breaths. Madison wiped a tear from my warm cheek and whispered “Daddy, I love you.” Marie broke into sobs too and Madison kissed my wrinkled forehead and walked to her mother and attempted to comfort her. Marie pushed her away. Madison said not a word and disappeared down the dark hallway. “You shouldn’t treat her like that” I whispered. Marie shot me a furious glance and snarled, “You should come home!” “I know.” And with that I slipped downstairs. At that moment I hated my wife, but I feared that our end was near. I blamed her. I didn’t want to make everything her fault. I could have been a better husband, but I couldn’t escape the pain of conflict when I was home. So I ran. At least once a week, I would sit in the local bar sipping hard liquor. It was wrong and I knew that. Still it didn’t feel it was fair for everything, good or bad, was evidence that I was an awful man. It came as no surprise to anyone when Marie asked for a separation. Madison was silent the week I moved out, completely silent. Her eyes never met anyone else’s. Her pain hurt more than my own. Shelly, my eldest daughter had always been a silent girl, speaking no more than a few words needed for understanding but on that Saturday when I left she got terribly upset. I wanted to explain but truthfully Marie was the one who brought the end and even I wasn’t sure how or why it finally arrived. Madison didn’t hug me back when we said our goodbyes. My key ignited the engine and I glanced back at the front door. Madison stood motionlessly in the door frame with tears streaming down her face; she was still emotionless and empty. Marie came up behind Madison with a stony expression; I merely forced a smile across my face. It had come. The end had come. …    A sudden scream pulled me to consciousness. As I sat up abruptly I was surprised as my head slammed against the wall. I could feel a welt rising on my forehead. The shouts had continued and my head throbbed. I stumbled out of bed. Carefully, I cracked open my door to see my mother’s face filled with rage. I couldn’t get a good view of my drunken father but I heard his low growls as Mom accused and smirked. The cacophony of their arguing had become unbearable. The hallway was creaky, but I maneuvered my way around the weakest spots. I sat in the corner hoping to be unnoticed, but as I heard the words and topic of conversation, tears came to my eyes. The weeping was uncontrollable and I began to sob despite my efforts to be unseen. After a while Mom noticed the sounds I was making from the next room and stomped in, her face still showing nothing but anger. She shouted at me and grabbed my arm screeching for me to stop crying. I felt another bruise forming on my upper arm and I knew I would have to wear long sleeves for the rest of the week. As Mom’s grip was tightening Daddy shoved her aside and pulled me into a hug. I hated myself for caring. She hated me, she hated us all. Daddy’s warmth and soothing voice calmed me. His forehead was crumpled. I kissed his wrinkled face and slipped from his grasp. Mom had begun to cry and I tried to comfort her despite what had happened earlier. She responded the way I would have guessed and pushed my harshly down the hall. I could have been upset, but I had nothing left. I was drained. For eight years I had cared and I couldn’t anymore. She had taken everything and I had no reason to fight back. I was always Daddy’s little girl. Mom never seemed to care for me much. She saw too much of him in me, both physically and personality wise. I tried my best to make amends with my mom, but she never wanted my love. I was always pushed away and disregarded. Shelly had always been the favorite. Anything and everything Shelly wanted was given to her even if it meant sacrificing something of mine. I never said a word about my hurt feelings. Mom would have killed me. Small comfort came from the fact that Dad had power to make my decisions as well. Unfortunately, he was taken away from me too. It is not as though none of us realized that our family was headed for trouble. It was the elephant in the room that none of us brought up because it was safer left an untouched subject. I guess I had hoped to have a one week notice or some say in when our family would finally end, but everything happened in a blur. The shock sent me into a constant search for myself. Where would I fit in with my mom and sister now that Dad was gone? I realized we had all been split from the beginning. Dad and I had been on a team and Shelly and Mom were on another. Mom had hurt me deeply but what choice would I have other than to become her ally. This unknown future scared me so much that I didn’t realize until many hours after Dad had drove into the distance that I may not ever speak to him again. I was lonely and lost. Everyone around had seen this separation as an opportunity. All I felt was fear and no one around me understood. …    A new beginning has come. I see them come and see them go. I hear their pain and joy. No one hides. Secrets have been buried. I watch the cycle beginning again and hope that I will not see the same ending. This time I have no power within me to watch.